"Do the way you feel" - they said
Can we always trust our feelings?
When seeking advice from a friend during a challenging situation, a commonly shared tip is to trust your gut or follow your heart.
I’ve always thought that doing the way I feel would be the wisest choice when in doubt.
But there’s a difference to make between trusting your gut (intuition) and trusting your feelings.
Understanding the origin of feelings and emotions requires challenging them to differentiate between intuition and distorted emotional responses triggered by beliefs.
These distorted emotional reactions can be highly convincing and appealing, creating an illusion of truth.
It's easy to fall into a trap by believing that because you feel a certain way, it must be true, regardless of the evidence.
Some examples:
“I feel awkward, so everyone must think I’m awkward and unlikeable.” “I feel unlovable, so nobody could care about me.” “I’m so anxious about this presentation; it must mean that I’m incompetent.”
Since the source of it is thoughts, we can challenge them by questioning the facts.
Take over the advocate role and put the thought on trial.
For example, if you feel unable, holding you back from making the next step, ask yourself why you believe that you’re not able?
Note down your answers and take some time to identify whether they’re real or just imagination.
Perhaps you’ve been nervous in the past when presenting the latest updates to a wider audience. But the past can’t be real. It was real, but it isn’t anymore.
Every moment differs from each other. There’s no reason to bring the past into the present.
You might be nervous again, but trust it won’t be the same as what you experienced in the past.
Besides the why, don’t be afraid to ask what would happen if?
Assuming your answer reveals that you’re afraid of losing track while presenting.
What if this happens?
How would you react when someone else loses track while presenting? I bet it’s far from being catastrophic. Perhaps give yourself as good advice as you would give to a friend.
Noticing someone else being nervous while presenting generates empathy. People connect to it and that’s what makes it authentic. It reminds them about their own struggles in likewise situations.
We’re humans, no robots. We do mistakes and we fail; That’s how we grow.
A robot perfectly executing his tasks results from engineers' million failures.
So don’t confuse your emotional responses emerging from false beliefs with intuition.
In a way, you are your own engineer, unconsciously programming your robotic-self.
Emotions are easier to spot than thoughts.
Therefore, watch out for how you feel about something, then try to grab the thoughts that go with it, and take it from there.
Are you unconsciously programming yourself again?
If yes, realize it, and put things into perspective.