I’m not happy and I don’t know what I want or what to do about it

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

We don’t need to question ourselves if we’re happy or not. It's just something we know, because we feel.

Recently, only a couple of years ago, I felt totally demoralized about my life’s situation.

For instance, I knew I wasn’t happy with my job for years, but changing direction was financially not an option.

Over time, I built way too much obligations, the loan for the house, the cars, and the lifestyle we were living.

I had depression. Unable to find my place in life.

I remember very well the feeling of being trapped, being jailed within the situation, with no way out.

At such a moment, it’s difficult to see clearly.

I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

What got me out of it?

I broke up my 20 years lasting relationship and marriage, quit my job, took my part of the savings and left the country to spend some time in the south on a beautiful island named Crete in Greece; hoping to heal my depressed-self.

Sounds selfish, runaway, and scary? To be honest, it was! The reason it took me years to make that move.

Tormented by thoughts & feelings of guilt, leaving my family behind, not able to care for them anymore…

It was a turmoil, but at the end, I knew either I will go through that valley paved with emotions of guilt, or I will die gradually.

I haven't been a good husband and father. But equally, I know for certain now, I couldn’t have flourished without this move.

After years of isolation I finally became accessible again; for others and for myself.

Sometimes, the changes we must embrace can appear impossible to overcome, and therefore rarely considered as an option.

Where to start if we don’t know what we want or what to do about it?

It's hard to know what we want when we're deeply involved.

The best starting point is to know what you don’t want!

Then challenge yourself with the following 2 questions:

• Can I change the situation?

• Can I leave the situation?

And if you can’t answer one of the two positively, then all you can do is to accept the situation as it is.

This exercise isn’t easy at all.

In my case, I went through this process again and again.

First couple of iterations went like: I can’t change the situation and I can’t leave the situation. I try to accept and be content with it.

I was repeating this every-time depression got me down on my knees until I couldn’t anymore.

And before considering the rope, I sat there and tried to figure out if I really can’t make an option of either changing or leaving.

Changing was quickly out of the game. Since there were too many factors which I couldn’t control.

Leaving was the only option left.

Although it was a painful and pride-swallowing act to fully decide and start the move, once I got past this, everything became lighter, and I knew it was right.

Today I found back to myself; closer than ever before.

Life’s challenges can still awake my depressive-self. But only for a short time, since I learned that the lack of love I was experiencing was me not loving me, and thus, couldn’t accept to be loved.

As a bottom line…

Whenever and whatever we’re facing in life that we want to change, we’re left with 3 options.

We can either change the situation, leave it, or accept it; Full stop.

Changing a situation by yourself is only possible if you control all the elements. As soon as there’s another person included, you can’t, unless you find a solution that everyone agrees to.

Making significant life changes, particularly when feeling trapped, can be daunting and may require tough decisions.

We’re often scared of the consequences.

However, it is crucial to understand that these consequences at first are thoughts. And they primarily originate from our own beliefs and anxieties about societal judgment amongst others.

Don't allow this to hold you back.

It hurts, but sometimes it’s a good idea to let die the old for the new to be born.

You’re worth it!

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