The glasses we wear and the reality we perceive
Unveiling the truth behind the glasses which shows a distorted picture of what is
Reality is a subjective concept that varies from person to person, including our own perception of it, and especially the perception we hold about ourselves.
It’s easy to determine the reality we perceive when it’s just about having a different opinion of something.
We can rely on facts and be able to understand the opinion of another, even if we’re not in agreement.
But what about the opinion we have about ourselves?
While the key to understand a possible different perception about ourselves is the same as trying to understand someone else’s opinion, the execution, however, isn’t as easy.
The facts in that case are rarely visible to us.
For instance, a person can be convinced of being highly self-confident. But it might only manifest that way because of a subconscious long-term built behavior to cover the lack of self-esteem.
We first have to realize the glasses we’re looking through.
These glasses reflect a distorted perception of ourselves and thus of others as well.
Some examples of glasses through which we perceive a distorted reality that affects our wellbeing:
The all-in or all-out lens
We might view situations in extreme, all-or-nothing terms, without considering middle or gray areas.
“If my partner doesn’t agree with me on everything, then he / she must not really love me.” ”If I can’t stick to my diet perfectly, then I might as well not bother at all.”
The generalization lens
We make broad interpretations based on a single or limited experience, and applying them to other situations or future events.
“I messed up one interview, so I’ll never get a job anywhere.” “All men/women are untrustworthy because I was hurt in a past relationship.”
The filtering lens
We focus only on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring the positive elements. You receive overwhelmingly positive feedback on your work performance but focus solely on the one critical comment, feeling as if you have failed. or You have a pleasant conversation with a group of people but dwell only on one awkward moment, causing you to believe that the entire interaction was a disaster.
The disaster lens
We assume the worst-case scenario will happen, and exaggerating the potential consequences of a situation. “I stumbled over my words; everyone must have thought I was a complete failure.” “I made a mistake at work; I’m going to get fired.” “My partner is late; he / she must have been in an accident.”
The mind reading lens
We assume we know what others are thinking, mostly assuming they think negatively of us. “I can tell my partner is disappointed with me even though he / she hasn’t said anything.” “I know my friend is mad at me because he / she didn’t text me back right away.”
The personalization lens
We blame ourselves for events outside of our control, or attributing external events to personal inadequacy or fault. “The driver honked at me; I must be a terrible driver.” “My colleague seems stressed; I must have done something to upset them.”
Perhaps you could identify yourself in one or another of the above examples.
At the end, it’s all about thoughts.
And this is good news!
Since with thoughts, we can work and have an impact.
Whenever you spot yourself driven by strong emotions in likewise situations, it’s always a good advice to take a min and consult your second opinion about it.
Never be afraid to question something, even if you’re convinced about its truth.
You don’t need to expose anything, since you’re just having a discussion with yourself.